265 in ten~!~

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i'm typing a thing i'm typing a thing oh gosh i'm going to die irl if i don't aahah words words words michael gary scott is the most depressing lovely sad terrible lonely person. pretty pretty great and good. pam poor pam. poor pam's mom. andy and dwight's feuds or whatever are the best thing; michael's crying is beautiful. half crying half vomiting half wheezing. bluhhhghhhh. it's beyond words. it's incalculable. i can't ah i can't i don't have any more words. the thing is turning red; it's scary i do not like it. absolutely no words are in my head. completely blank. white pure clear. cleaner than the snow in its perfect perfectness. what is this i don't know lol michael ahah kevin oscar everything owns. every day two words. stephen colbert. voyeurism is cool. I STOPPED WRITING AND IT ERASED WHAT I WROTE that is just terrible what is this website D: lol phyllis said holy crap. ahahahahahahahahaha the crying i love the crying. why are you limping i don't know. back to the future is objectively the greatest movie ever made. arka how the heck did you type this much this quickly? this is making me ridiculously nervous, and it's hard to think thoughts. john colbert. stephen stewart. dan linnell john weinkauf marty miller dan flansburgh so many people named john need to write that christmas carol. will do it for this blog thing! i will! someone should record it ftw. dwight so misguided so conniving so completely separated from anything even remotely resembling reality. everything is pretty great and good.

there is no stanley tree. do you think the world is just crawling with phyllises?

People are terrible and are entirely selfish, gonna go with unfair generalizations ftw because otherwise nothing can be said that's worth anything without mischaracterizing or ticking off people or whatever, I don't care. People are terrible and inconsiderate and greedy and pathetic. Getting caught up in some kind of ridiculously trivial or nonsensical or ultimately unimportant thing and getting mad at the way things are is rad. Serious business. A thing is doing this thing; I don't like this thing; this thing is insulting me personally my humanness my integrity and how can they even do this it's so flagrantly offensive and. People who think they are more than people, more than other people, people are people and we are all pretty terrible but it's okay I guess.

Let me clumsily try to explain in too many inadequate words what David Foster Wallace did in the commencement address he gave to Kenyon College, or just this one song by Andrew Jackson Jihad



i don't know

tl;dr: people...


i can't write blogs every day two words D:

I'm working on making a mash-upped thing of that They Might Be Giants lyrics thing from the other day; about halfway done, but some songs won't import into Windows Movie Maker for some reason, so it's taking a while. Sounds really cool though.

blood alone moves the wheels of history

Today I was GOING to write about the niceness of Stephen Colbert's butt, but ohoho this, so no.

Stephen Colbert is a man, a great man. He has a dog named Gipper. He has had a space station treadmill, a bald eagle, a turtle, a falcon, an elephant seal, a greyhound dog, a junior ice hockey team junior mascot, a beetle species, a spider species, the five remaining numbers of the Sierpinski Problem, and an airplane named after him.

He has sung duets with John Legend, Elvis Costello, Barry Manilow, Tony Bennett, John Hall (of Hall & Oates fame), Willie Nelson, Jon Stewart, Chaka Fattah, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Steve Carell, Paul Dinello, and JOHN DARNIELLE.

He has fathered and popularized dozens of words, including truthiness, wikiality, factiness, wordanista, superstantial, megamerican, grippy, juiciful, fract, freem, Lincolnish, eneagled, gutly, and dumb-ocracy.

March 20th has been declared Stephen Colbert day in Oshawa, Canada.

His DNA was shot into space.

He has his own ice cream flavor.

His portrait hangs in the National Museum of American History.

He's a dashing man; his name is Stephen.

And therein lies the problem.

Friends, comrades, let us join together as one. Let us rise up, let us speak out. We must make our voices heard. Let us stand in unisonian solidarity and petition: STEPHEN COLBERT CHANGE YOUR FIRST NAME TO JOHN.

FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE (AND THE NOBLE AND PURE CAUSE OF JOHNDOM) PREVAIL.

That is all.

let's stick together cause we're number eight

everything right is wrong again push me in the face there go i but for my face all i know why it takes that long ago we'd build a time machine and i'll sink it first avenue stage name please call me crybaby check this out i've got something to say if there was a me for you the guy who hit me in the eye out it doesn't cost anything to poke your hand inside the puppet head eating the head on the opposite shores that surround it we're getting mental notes of just exactly where i lost the plot thins she's waiting for my ride but i want to wait inside an empty glass eye hoping you won't be back to brooklyn fell between the grating and we're just go nuts at the top of the tree a finger of my glove and every time push the water let me sail cries the engine siren fills the air and it sticks like a broken record of my unspeakable crimes in previous lives that are claimed and none who have witnessed all you modern day troubadours out from my pockets and cats dance undercover for the man if they're just as embarrassing as we think and i should be allowed to blurt the merest idea to break the chain i came to get my mini-bike returned a bag of groceries accidentally taken off the shelf for all my new friends have seen him hiding underneath every shell there's a story as a shill in a traveling through outer space

must contain

go outside on a cold fall night. breathe in the smell of burning wood and leaves. take a walk. let the air bite through your jacket, into your skin. look at the fallen leaves illuminated in street lights. walk, keep walking. try not to trip over uneven cracks in the sidewalk. your mind feels clear, save for the word soliloquy. whisper it to yourself, maybe. look up through the canopy of branches and dying leaves above you, at the moon. it is full. stupid terrible werewolf jokes. you hate werewolves. there's a dog across the street, and it is looking at you.

so.

Need to stop thinking so much. Always get depressed when I think. Wish I was stupid. I think it'd be easier.

my dads

You: sorry
You: that was an accident
Stranger: i'm not so sure.
You: i really meant to paste
You: you disabilities!!!!!!!
You: that
You: but still
You: my fault
Stranger: them dogs is hell don't they
You: YES
You: ima dog irl
You: so it's pretty hard
Stranger: IMA DOG IRL WTF HEH
You: teh
You: teh
You: TEH
You: TEH!!!!!
Stranger: 1.
You: 42
Stranger: Fuckin jerry.
You: jerry
You: good guy
Stranger: meh.
You: teh.
Stranger: have you ever wondered tho
Stranger: wtf ?
You: all the time
Stranger: hm
Stranger: is the answer 42?
You: to life, the universe, and everything
Stranger: disappointing
You: the ultimate question is the thing that is more so important
Stranger: mm.
Stranger: but what does the question -mean-
You: i think it's necessary to figure out what the question IS before what it means
You: so
You: sup
Stranger: Fuckin a.
Stranger: I got a phone call.
Stranger: Sellin the laptop.
You: this one right here?
You: or there...
Stranger: Oh no, I'm on my MAC PRO here.
Stranger: The laptop is over there.
You: oh nice you are a mac guy?
Stranger: I am -the- mac guy, actually.
You: how do you feel about the color yellow?
You: rad
Stranger: Yellow's for faggots; therefore it delights me
You: i see
Stranger: Hate PCs and zunes. Why should we convert our music to .dell files? mp3 is more convenient.
You: mp3 is super lossy though
Stranger: I prefer to encode at 32kbps, then I can fit so much more on my iPod.
You: hah but it sounds like total crap that way
Stranger: It sounds fine when I play it over the school PA on morning announcements.
Stranger: Nothing wakes up the kids like a track from The Locust.
You: And through drive through speakers, I'd imagine.
You: Airplane telephones.
Stranger: absolutely.
Stranger: Or cell phones. Soemtimes I call my dad and just rub the iPod on the phone to make the sound go through.
You: That's sweet :3
Stranger: Such a sad dad.
You: I have two dads!
You: They're really great.
You: One is a girl
You: actually
Stranger: A girl-dad.
You: which sounds weird but makes sense really.
Stranger: A Fe-father.
You: Yeah!
Stranger: A PaPaPuss.
You: My nickname's DoubleDad
Stranger: DoubleDad. What's their nicknames?
You: Andrwe is one
Stranger: Weird.
You: and blazu
You: is the other
Stranger: Weird.
Stranger: Are they glad dads?
You: They're very glad dads.
Stranger: Nice.
Stranger: I'm going to Japan next week.
Stranger: Any recommendations for what to do there?
You: Ummm
You: video games
Stranger: Japs do like their games. Nerd japs tho.
Stranger: Sigh. I guess it's dinner time.
You: Ok. It was good talking to you about my dads.
Stranger: Wish them well for me.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

omegle.